Category Archives: personal

family, personal

for real equality families

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this post is going to stray a little from my usual wedding & engagement celebrations… it’s a bit more personal… but something that i really want to share with you all.

so, as many of my longtime readers know, my wife and i have a daughter. and for those of you who don’t, well, now you do. she’s 7 months old and one of the best things that’s ever happened to us. she is absolutely beautiful and incredibly happy. we love her more than anything.

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from the day she was born, even though she was physically delivered by my wife, we have both been her mommy.

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my name is on her birth certificate, i change her diapers, i feed her bottles, i stay home and care for her two days of the work week, and the three of us live together as a family. however, if we ever leave the state of massachusetts, i am not her mommy in the eyes of the law. if anything ever happened to my wife, i would have no legal say in my daughter’s life decisions. so, to protect ourselves, we began the process of legal adoption. the long, expensive process of legal adoption. so that i would be viewed as her mom in canada, in florida, in texas, or in japan – everywhere. we began the process about 6 months ago by searching out a lawyer in our city who has experience with second-parent adoptions. we had to fill out so much paperwork – affidavits proving that she wasn’t on the missing children list, criminal background checks, and affidavits waiving home studies & interviews. i had to fill out paperwork that included a question that stated: “please describe some of the caretaking or parental duties you perform for the adoptive child on a routine basis, such as changing diapers, arranging day-care, income contributions, reading to child, attending school or extracurricular events, etc.” as though my diaper-changing skills had any effect on my mother-status. but we did it. we completed all the forms, paid all the bills, certified & notarized & signed on the dotted lines.

and today, 6 months later, i adopt my daughter. today, we go to the courthouse with her grandparents & lawyers & cameras, and stand in front of a judge and are declared a “legal family”. it’s a momentous and happy day, but also pretty insignificant in the overall scheme of things. we have always been a family. we were a family the day my wife and i committed ourselves to each other, the day we bought a house, the day we adopted a cat and then a dog and then another dog, the day we ordered sperm online, the day we went to the fertility clinic and one very important little embryo was placed inside my wife, the day i made her chicken soup and crackers to help fight her morning sickness (which was really all-day sickness), the day we put a crib together, the day those contractions started and we didn’t know that it was really real labor, the day our daughter was born and we held her in our arms for the first time, and on and on and on. and today we are a family too, but this time in the eyes of the law.

many people have asked me, “what? why do you have to adopt your daughter?” and i understand. it doesn’t make sense to them. and it doesn’t make sense to me. but until our country decides to change it’s mind about how it views same-sex couples, this is the way we have to work around all of the various restrictions and limitations placed on us. luckily my wife and i live in a state that recognizes our marriage and has courts and judges who are familiar with second-parent adoptions. our adoption, as form-filled and lengthy as it was, was easy compared to what families go through who are living in states where the laws are different. we are lucky. and it shouldn’t be that way. you shouldn’t be able to have certain rights depending on where you live. a family is a family. love is love.

so, in honor of this legal adoption, i’d also like to start a series on this blog called for real equality families. the first family I shared with you this morning – Bonnie and Rachael. I hope that there are more submissions to come. i want to start putting it out there – that not only are same-sex weddings happening, for real, but same-sex families are happening for real too. whether it’s by adoption, known donors, anonymous donors, turkey basters, or my friend’s new product, the semenette, LGBTQ families are out there. we are making families, through both legal paperwork and lots of love.

here is my family:

Emily Keenan_7975

show me yours.

photos by oldfields photography & personal photos

legal, personal

tax day

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tax day is tomorrow.  most same-sex couples know that we have to file our taxes as single people.  we are not recognized as federal couples.  therefore, we are denied 1,138 federal rights.

Capturing Love is launching a social media campaign: “A picture is worth…“  Please join them in publicizing this inequality by inserting your own photos (with permission) into this frame.  We all want this to catch fire tomorrow April 15, so share away!!  Tag @capturing love guide on Facebook, @authenticwed on twitter and #bookoflove.

The frame and instructions can be downloaded here.

CapturingLoveDIYFrame_edited-4

personal

makeover

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so, for any of you who have been following me for a while, you can pretty easily see that my blog is going through a bit of a makeover!

i’ve been wanting to create a more cohesive look and to bring in some themes from our wedding. i also wanted to create “badges” for various photographers and other vendors to use for their blogs when their work was featured on this one. and i wanted to do it by myself – without the use of fancy graphic designers, etc – who, while they may be amazing and do some awesome work, they also cost $$… and since this blog is primarily for my own enjoyment and not for any sort of big financial gains, i prefer to do edits/upgrades on my own. so, after many, many hours of frustrating, but also fun and exciting work, i believe i have done just that!

that’s not to say that there won’t be any tweaking here and there, but for now, i hope you enjoy for real equality weddings’ new theme! and if you would like a “featured on” badge for your website, definitely let me know!

thanks for reading!

emily

personal, same-sex

happy new year!

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here’s to another great year on 4real equality weddings!  the submissions this year have been amazing – so diverse and a great mixture of guys, girls, engagements, weddings, civil unions, and commitment ceremonies!  you, readers, are what keeps me going.  your comments, submissions, re-posting, tweeting, pinning – whatever you do to keep reading and keep sharing this blog with others helps make this site known.  i know that there are quite a few other same-sex blogs out there and we each have a little something different to offer, but i hope mine has found it’s way into your google readers, newsfeeds, or however you read your blogs and that you will remain a follower.

i love checking out my stats and seeing which posts get the most hits, so in this new year round up, we’re going to take a look back at the highlights on the blog over the past year…

1. most popular post: jaqueline and victoria – that post went viral! almost 2000 hits and it was all over pinterest and tumbler.  those girls rocked their wedding day, and their one year anniversary shoot, which was my fifth highest viewed post.  thanks to photographer, maggie winters for that one!

2. most popular non-wedding post: mason jars.  yup.  that one was pinned all over the place.  as we know, mason jars were huge in weddings recently, so i guess everyone liked the inspiration.

3. most viewed guy-guy wedding: jesse and bryan.  you all loved that wedding.  thanks to photographer, kate connolly for that submission!

4. most viewed girl-girl wedding (other than jacqueline & victoria): tiffini & trina – a chic southern wedding.  photos by robin gaucher.

5. lesbian weddings definitely got more hits than the gay weddings – 6000 views compared to 1300.  maybe i need to work on getting my blog out to the guys more?

6. most used search term that landed readers on my blog: lesbian wedding, followed by lesbian weddings, lesbian marriage photos, real lesbian weddings, and real lesbian wedding.  looks like you guys are really looking around for lesbian wedding inspiration.  photographers, take note!  submit your lesbian weddings!  women want to see more inspiration and images like themselves out there in the wedding world.

7. most commented post: jen and keri’s wedding.  by photographer, dana pierce.  definitely one of my favorites.  especially since the two ladies are good friends of ours, and they just welcomed a third member into their family!  born just before christmas.  yay, jen and keri!

8.  most popular referrer (i.e. how you guys got to my site): well, besides search engines… facebook & pinterest.  it’s nice to see more same-sex weddings being pinned out there.

9. the post that brought the most visitors in one day: josh & brent – a desert engagement shoot.  872 hits in one day! by photographer, tammy watson.

10. finally, where did people go after viewing my blog?: a vote and a vow and silver lines and silken hooks  – other same-sex wedding blogs!  i had hoped it was various recommended vendors, but they came in close to the top.  i truly hope that readers are able to find same-sex friendly vendors through this site.

the rest of the top ten links (after jaqueline & victoria, tiffini & trina, jesse & bryan, and jen & keri):

laura and laura
siri and antonia
lili and michelle
our wedding
megan and megan
becca and laura

hope you all enjoyed a quick look back over 2012.  thanks again and enjoy your holiday!

-emily

casual, city hall wedding, lesbian wedding, personal

megan & megan – “i went to boston, got myself an irish woman and an english bulldog and took ‘em home”

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two megans, both with a love of boston and the beach, met, fell in love, and got married – city hall style.  here’s their awesome, super stylish, and very fun wedding.

ps. i know these girls personally, so i’m even more excited to share their celebration with you all!

from the megans: “Megan V, who currently lives in Newport Beach, CA, spent many a summer during her childhood in Concord, MA visiting her grandparents. Having developed an affinity for Boston, Megan continued to travel back to the city every summer in her adulthood, long after both her grandparents passed. Through friends, Megan met “Scully” (the other Megan), a charming and gregarious Irish woman  : ) and the connection was instantaneous.  

Thereafter, an aggressive transcontinental relationship unfolded, and for 6 months the Megans flew from coast to coast to see each other for only a few days at a time. Finally, enough was enough. Not only were the airlines being funded soley by the Megans, but the frequent flyers could bear it no longer. They had found their “person” and it was meant to be. It was decided that Scully, along with her 2 yr old English Bulldog, Whiskey Row, would make the big move to California, but not before Megan V put a ring on it!

“It was a week before the big move. Megan had flown to Boston to help Scully pack up and ship out to CA. During a morning walk with our dog through Scully’s favorite park, the Harvard Arboretum in Roslindale, Megan shyly suggested that they climb to the way top of the hill which marks the furthest extension of the park. Overlooking their favorite city and with a perfect view of the city skyline, Megan dropped to one knee, professed her love, and popped the big question. A few choice words flew from Scully’s almost breathless lungs and after steadying her shaking legs, accepted Megan’s proposal!

their wedding: “I mean, there really aren’t enough wonderful things to say about our day. The presence of our friends and family definitely is our number one favorite thing. Though the wedding was small, people traveled across the country to not only show their love and support, but their belief  in equality. There was not even the finest of lines that separated our marriage from any other traditional straight marriage. No one cared, and no one noticed a difference. Secondly, we were married in our absolute favorite city, my former home, Boston. We stayed at our favorite hotel (The Lenox) and celebrated in our favorite Irish pub (Solas). We were surrounded by, not only our family that knew no difference, but by the people of the city. On our way to the courthouse, random people screamed “congratulations” or came up to us to tell us how beautiful we looked (decked out in wedding gowns and bouquets…yup).
“Our advice to future knot tiers is to keep it small and keep it simple. We said our vows at the courthouse and afterwards had a party at a local venue with about 40 people. It was intimate and informal. We had ZERO stress the day of the wedding. The women prepping us were more nervous than we were! The morning of, we woke up and ordered a few things from room service (tea, fruit, eggs). We took our time before heading to the mall where we had our make up done for free at 2 of the make up counters (of course we had to buy something). We then headed to my old salon on Newbury where the stylist spent about 1 hr total to do our hair. Afterwards, we had plenty of time to get dressed and meet our crew before heading to the courthouse…and have some champagne in the interim. Next is why I tell you to keep it small and stress free and inexpensive. The entire party was a blur. We spoke to friends, we danced, we drank, we ate, and then it was over! And so fast!  We felt we didn’t have quite enough time with people and thats with 40 people! Imagine if the party consisted of 100 people! Keep the prep and planning stress free, because whats the joy in being a “bridezilla” or “groomzilla” the day of? Weddings are supposed to be fun! Keep the party small because there is only enough of you to go around and its worse when you are the center of attention.
In terms of arrangements:
Music: We made a playlist of about 60 songs a couple of weeks before and put it on an IPOD. The venue then plugged the IPOD into speakers to sound over our entire celebration. We handpicked the music to represent us, our love, and our story.
Cake: Scully’s mom ordered a few dozen cupcakes from a local bakery about a month prior. The bakery then delivered the cupcakes to the venue the day of. We knew the bakery and knew the product was awesome so there was no tasting of cake required.
Flowers: Scully’s mother arranged her own flowers. She ordered the color of our preference from Costco and bought the vases at Michaels. Simple. Done and done. The party was a hit. Friends, beer, and great food.
Photography: engagement pictures taken by Megan’s brother, Blake Varga; wedding pictures taken by Blake’s friend, Louis DeCaprio.
P.S we did all the planning cross country from California. Totally do-able.
love it.
personal

Welcome to the world Maddie!

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Dear For Real Readers,

I promise I will not leave my blog unattended for long, but I have to be honest, my time will be a little more preoccupied due to the arrival of this little one:

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Madison arrived at 4:32pm on Sept 5th! She is the best little thing that has ever happened to us and we are in love!

I do have some posts waiting in the wings and they will be posted shortly. And I will return to regular posting in a bit, so please don’t stop submitting, but do understand if I take a bit to respond. I am a bit busy :)

Much love to you all!

-Emily

gay wedding, lesbian wedding, personal

after the confetti…

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dear readers,

i’d like to start a new series on this site – “after the confetti”.  i want to hear from you – i want your stories – what happened after the wedding?  what did you learn from your first few (or more!) years of marriage/civil partnership/commitment ceremony?  what hopes/dreams did you have when you first got married that were realized or changed in some way and why?  tell me about your marriage.  tell me about your relationship.  how did things change? or are they the same? was it all worth it?  was it important to have a ceremony?

so, i’ve asked you lots of questions.  now it’s your turn.

respond.  email me at forrealequalityweddings@gmail.com and let us know.

what should you include in your response? nothing but your words and thoughts and maybe a picture or two.  i’m not picky.  let’s share with other lgbt couples the trials and tribulations of same-sex commitments.  we all learn quite a bit from committing ourselves to another person and now it’s time to share with others what you’ve learned!

i can’t wait to hear your stories!